Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, right?

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, right? Well, in the style of my dear Twinsie, I will be posting this blog in bullet form. While I have struggled with writing short, succinct bullet points in the past, I'm going to try really hard to limit myself to 5 sentences per bullet, haha. 

This week's happenings:

• I had a pretty smooth sailing week at both jobs and even had Tuesday off from my afternoon job. I spent it doing a whole lot of nothing but it felt good to just relax. 
• I went to a training on the curriculum we'll be using for Reading Interventions. I've yet to receive my groups of kids (we have the placement meetings this Thursday and groups start next Monday the 26th) but once I get my class lists, I'll start lesson planning using some or all of the Voyager, Read Natural, and Quick Reads programs. Super excited for this next chapter to begin!! I'll keep you updated :)
• I went to my first brew fest with Boyfriend and a few friends yesterday. I am not a beer fan, and didn't really find any beer that I really liked at the fest, but there were plenty of cider booths that I frequented until they ran out of their stock. We had intended to stay the night (the fest was in Racine, Wisconsin) but upon seeing the seedy establishment that Boyfriend had booked, we decided it was best to just drive home late at night. The motel wasn't quite as scary as the one MelSav and I stayed in in Oklahoma on our long drive from home to Chicago, but it was still gross and I didn't want to sit down on the furniture. Haha. 
• Speaking of MelSav, I'm reading a book per her recommendation titled "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. It's a book about building a strong marriage based on understanding the love language your partner speaks. Obviously Boyfriend and I aren't married, but the principles in the book can be utilized in any loving, committed relationship. The 5 love languages are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. I had Boyfriend rank those in order of most to least important to him. His least ended up being Words of Affirmation which is in fact, my most important. Haha. I'm not reading this book because there's anything wrong in our relationship--I just like to be the best at everything I do, which includes being a super amazing awesome girlfriend :)

And now I'm ending this post here, because I started writing it on Sunday night. It's Thursday now. And there are things I want to write about and I don't want to have to change the verb tense. Haha. Kbai.

Questions and Requests

So far at my new job, I've received lots of questions and requests. This week I've gotten requests from two different students. Not the typical, "Can I go to the bathroom?" or the like. These were requests that made me smile :) One student asked me to please teach third grade next year while the other was pleading for my presence in fifth grade. I'm definitely going to mention it to my principal that I've already received requests from students wanting me to be their teacher next year :) ***(Side note: My OCD is telling me that I used the base word "request" far too many times in this paragraph but I can't think of a good synonym so it's staying. Boo :P)***

The second grader actually said I should do something like this: "Ok, so what you need to do is go up to Ms. Insertmakebelievelastnamehere (a current 3rd grade teacher) and say, 'I'm taking over! This is my class now! You may leave!' " Bahaha! This boy is gutsy, I tell you. It was hilarious hearing his game plan for how to make me his teacher for next year. Truth be told, I'd love to have the little guy in my class some day. He's a great kid. Though really I'd love to have any little guys or gals in my class. I'd just love to have a class. Sighhh, patience!! :) It'll happen eventually, right?!!?

I also keep getting asked how old I am, to which I respond 135. It always catches them off guard as they try to figure out if I'm telling the truth or not, because teachers never lie, right?! 

One question I do always lie about is when they ask if I have a boyfriend. If I was married I would answer honestly, and that's not at all to say that I'm embarrassed/ashamed of Boyfriend because he's not my husband. It's just that I feel like a husband is something you admit to having, whereas a boyfriend, at least in a professional setting, is something you usually don't go around advertising, at least not to the students. I might be completely alone in this way of thinking, but it's just the way I choose to conduct myself. I'd rather err on the side of professionalism than be seen as a blabbermouth. 

I just love watching kids' minds at work and seeing what kind of questions they come up with in their attempt at interpreting the world around them :) One of my absolute favorite things about teaching.

I had indoor recess duty for the first time today, and honestly now I hope it rains everyday :P Haha. I had such an easy day only being responsible for watching one fourth grade class in their room. Much better than my day yesterday where I broke up a violent fist fight between two fifth graders at lunch recess. Eeeesh. While I definitely hope that never happens again, I now know what to do if another situation like that should ever present itself. 

Ok, just wanted to write a quick post (I had one particular Twinsie in mind while I jotted this all down :P). Boyfriend and I are off to cuddle in our glorious chair-and-a-half and watch "The Departed" :)

I'm working on it

I have this problem where I think about blogging, start to blog, and then as I'm writing feel like my post isn't going to be interesting enough so I just abandon it. There are nearly 10 half-written blog drafts that are seemingly going to just sit there eternally unfinished. I think know I put entirely too much pressure on myself and am most definitely my worst critic (aren't we all?), but I really am trying to put that behind me. I'm in the midst of attempting an overhaul of my life. I've felt so out of balance since I started my new job and I'm really struggling to find some type of happy medium. 

The most ridiculous part of my life that is "oh-so-off-kilter" is really that on most days, I work a combined total of about 5.5 hours between both my jobs. That's it. Five and a half measly little hours. Which sounds like an enviable piece of cake, but since they are a couple hours (and about 25 miles) apart, it's not as easy as working one solid block of time. Don't get me wrong, I'm incredibly grateful to have both of my jobs, I just need to figure out how to make it all work. And I also need to come to the sad realization that the amount of time I'm used to spending with Boyfriend/the amount of time I like to spend with Boyfriend, far exceeds the national average. But what can I say? I'm greedy and head over heels in love with the most amazing boy ever so it's kind of hard to NOT want to spend immense amounts of time with him. 

Boyfriend and I have been carpooling to work together lately. My afternoon job is in the same city where he works, and we both start at the same time, the only difference is I get off between 6-7ish and he stays into the wee hours of the night, which means I usually don't hang out there waiting for him to get off. Instead I take the train and then the L home, which takes about an hour and a half. I just bring a book and use that time to read and unwind, but it usually means I don't end up getting home until after 9. And by that time I feel like the night is nearly over and I reside myself to an evening of procrastination and moping. That is the part of my day that I need to change. The more productive I am on the week nights before Boyfriend gets home, the more free time we have on the weekends. And it's not like we are disgusting people who live in a dump, but it's easy to let things get a bit cluttered when we're feeling busy (lately I just can't seem to ever complete laundry in a timely manner) so that coupled with the fact that we live in a very old house that always needs something done to it means it's easy for a little old weakling like myself to feel overwhelmed and just shut down. Again, I'm working on that. 

I also need to find the right time/way to fit exercising back into my schedule. By now when I get home from my second job, it's usually too late to go running by myself since the sun is setting earlier than it was over summer. And as anyone who struggles with motivating themselves to work out can relate to, it's nearly impossible to make myself get up early enough before work to go running. It's really my only option though so I just have to stop making excuses and start doing it if I want to lose those 4 of 8 lost pounds that have recently returned :/

So all of that in a very large nutshell, is my explanation for why I suck at life blogging lately. And again, I'm working on it.

In other news, my morning job as a Reading Interventionist is going extremely well. I pretty much love everything about it. And my side duty as a Playground Supervisor is growing on me as well. The weather has been pretty amazing lately and it's so nice to be able to spend time outside, though I'm sure I'll be singing a completely different tune once December rolls around since they actually allow the children to go outside and play in the snow during recess. As someone who comes from the Land of Nearly Eternal Summer (aka, Southern California), I personally consider snow to be an inclement weather condition which should be avoided at all costs, with a small exception for sledding, because sledding is THE ONLY good thing about Winter. But here at the North Pole, recess in the snow is the norm so I will undoubtedly be buying myself one of those floor length winter coats, haha. Overall though, I love the school, the staff is great, the building itself is beautiful and well appointed, and with such a fantastically diverse student population, not only am I learning a lot about other cultures, I almost feel like I'm back home :) 

My afternoon job is great, too. The girls are in 4th and 7th grades this year. It's fun watching the older one try to gain more independence. And the younger one is such a phenomenal student that it blows my mind. She actually came home on Friday wanting to study for a test that was a week away! She loves exploring problems and has a great ability to recall detail. It also doesn't hurt that she's in my favorite grade to teach this year so when homework comes home, she enjoys hearing about when I taught my class that concept/story/idea. We went in search of a Junior Girl Scout sash last week and ended up at a local school supply store that carries them. We looked around the whole store at all of the deliciously fun borders, books, classroom organization aides, and whatnot and it definitely made me long for my own classroom. I do have my own classroom at work now and hopefully once my reading groups actually start (now that I've finished my assessments), I'll be able to get some classroom decoration goin on in there. I told my 4th grader that when I get a real classroom of my own someday, (I'm aiming for the 12-13 school year!) that she is more than welcome to come help me set it up. She was so excited. I'm thankful to have such great kids to work with :)

With all that said, I think it's time I get off the couch and go tackle those three piles of laundry that are looking at me, just itching to be folded. Send me positive thoughts as I attempt to find balance in my new little life. And hopefully I'll be back to writing on a regular basis soon. I'm working on it :)

Worrying cannot change the past, but it can ruin the future

I am a worriwort. I have been for at least 20 years now. Even in videos of me as a toddler, I frequently looked concerned and seemed to always be analyzing the world around me. In second grade I developed this random worrisome thought about bathrooms, particularly not being able to get to one in time. My anxiety about the issue eventually escalated to the point where I had an ultrasound on my bladder and kidneys to determine if there really was a physical reason as to why I needed to go pee every 15 minutes or if I it was my anxiety causing it. It was the anxiety. I was seven years old and had anxiety. Where does that even come from in a seven year old?!

And knowing that it was the anxiety didn't alleviate the problem, it just identified it. At school I was given a special bathroom pass to take whenever I needed by signing my name on the board to let the teacher know I had gone out. I was fine at home, because I knew there was always a bathroom close, but in class I would leave upwards of 5 times a day to go to the bathroom (mind you, I always made sure to go before school, at recess, and lunch too). It's definitely a good thing that I was an excellent student growing up (until like, 10th grade when I failed geometry but I blame that on a combination of a terrible teacher and my bull-headedness, not because I was dumb), otherwise I feel like I would have failed second grade due to the amount of time I was in the bathroom and not in class. 

My anxiety about needing to pee all the time slowly dwindled over the school year, and by third grade I ended up with the most wonderful teacher who created such a welcome, safe, happy learning environment that I never wanted to miss class. My anxiety was alleviated and I thrived in school that year. Some of my happiest elementary school moments are from Mrs. Denney's class :)

Just as the anxiety over going pee all the time appeared out of no where, I was blindsided by another bathroom related anxiety in high school. All of a sudden I became desperately fearful of throwing up in class. I had never before thrown up in class, or even at school, but with the onset of 10th grade came the intense fear of throwing up. It affected so many of the choices I made on a daily basis: I would walk to classes with routes that passed bathrooms, if I was allowed to choose my seat in class it was always in the row closest to the door to serve as a fast and non-disruptive emergency exit location, I would ask to go to the bathroom as frequently as possible without getting in trouble for excessive bathroom usage.

My thoughts in class became consumed with the paralyzing fear of throwing up in front of everyone. I would sit at my desk, bouncing my legs up and down on the balls of my feet to try to alleviate some of the anxiety while I tried to analyze any and all feelings (real or imagined) I was feeling in my digestive system. I hardly paid attention to anything that my teachers said and usually relied on reading the board to know what was going on in class since my teachers' voices were always drowned out by my internal voice telling me that throw up was most likely imminent. 

There is something about pep rallies that, unbeknownst (<---- my computer is telling me this isn't a word, but I like it so therefore, I declare it is a word and it will be so) to me at the time, would become a major source of stress for me in my little world where I tried to stay throw up free. There was something about sitting there in that large gym, with not only the people from my class, or my grade, but the ENTIRE school that could potentially see me throw up that sent my body into fight or flight mode. 

I chose flight by convincing one of my favorite teachers to let me stay in his classroom during pep rallies. As everyone else was walking toward the gym, I slyly wandered the opposite direction to his classroom, which wasn't always easy because all the campus security guards and teachers were herding us toward the gym like cattle. I thanked him for his empty classroom hospitality by correcting papers whilst I sat in there alone (this is probably the time when I decided I'd like to have a classroom of my own some day because correcting papers makes me unbelievably happy, as do classrooms in general :P). Thankfully by my senior year they made pep rallies optional, so I no longer had to go hide out in his room (we both could have gotten in some serious trouble even though we were never in there together, but it definitely wasn't school protocol). 

So the fear of throwing up at pep rallies dissipated, but the anxiety over throwing up in class remained with me throughout my high school years. And just for good measure, on graduation day, during the ceremony, I was absolutely convinced that I was going to pee my pants. And I couldn't just walk off the field where we were all sitting to go to the bathroom. I sat there, near tears the whole time as my then boyfriend, in a very annoyed and angry tone repeatedly told me, "If you need to go so bad, just leave. Just go." It was a very sad day and it was all because I was fearful of peeing my pants. 

Thankfully I can say that now, 8 years after my public school education ended, I am mostly rid of my fear of not making it to the bathroom. However, my anxiety when I am put into situations that are out of my control still remains. But I am making a conscious effort to stop. I saw a quote on a billboard at a dry cleaners near my work that said, "Worrying cannot change the past, but it can ruin the future." I'm trying really hard to remind myself of that now when I find myself stressing to the point of almost certain insanity. Boyfriend has learned that if I'm quiet, as in was consistently talking and have abruptly stopped, that it means one of two things: I have to go to the bathroom, or I'm worried. The worry he can help talk me out of. And the pee, well, with that I am definitely on my own :P

A brief re-cap of the past three and a half months

It's been exactly three and a half months since I last posted anything on here. I didn't mean to temporarily give up on this blog, and I apologize to my handful of regular readers (Dad, Twinsie, Tia Catalina) who stop by to see what's going on only to find that I've seemingly been stagnant since May. Really the reason for the cessation in blogging was due to a disruption in my usual routine. I'm very much a creature of habit and when my little world gets thrown off kilter, well then something's got to give and that something was blogging. And now, for at least the time being, my old life that I missed so dearly has returned and I once again have time to devote to writing on a regular basis. 

A brief re-cap of the past three and a half months:

May: In my last blog I was getting ready to leave for our highly anticipated Hawaiian vacation. Aside from some extremely disruptive and inexplicable stomach abnormalities that I suffered from for the first two days, it was nearly the perfect vacation. The only thing that could have made being in such a gorgeous location with a boy I'm absolutely crazy about even better was if our vacation could have been longer :) We did lots of hiking (Diamond Head, Koko Crater, Manoa Falls) and sightseeing (North Shore, Nu'uanu Pali Lookout, and...pretty much anywhere and everywhere you look because that island paradise is so dang beautiful) and got to see his family quite a bit. A well rounded vacation for sure. And the best part about it was that it was 5 hours behind Chicago time so we got up at like 5:30 every morning and were able to get an entire day's worth of activities done before noon! Haha. The only crappy part about it all was that on the way home our flight was delayed in Salt Barf City, Utah and we were stuck in that dreadful airport for 4 extra hours. Wish those extra hours could have been spent in Oahu! :P Also, Boyfriend and I have decided it's in our 5 year plan to move to Hawaii, since we both have island roots :)

June: This was the month when my routine got disrupted. School let out for the summer and I went from working my measly 15ish hours a week to 35+. I am, and seemingly always will be, absolutely terrible with time management and found it too difficult of a task to find time to blog after my long days with the girls. June had lots of fun events though. My mom and Brother came to visit for week and a half, driving all the way here from Southern California and taking the northern route in the process, hitting up states like Montana, South Dakota, Minnesota and adding them to their lengthy lists of places they've visited. Their first night here I took them both out for their first L ride. Brother got a little bit of motion sickness, which is completely understandable, but she enjoyed how easy and nice the public transportation is here and said she wished she had access to something like that on a regular basis. I told her I wish she could come live in my 2nd floor apartment, go to art school here, and be near me :) My mom loved looking at all the different architecture that Chicago has to offer. I was actually able to get quite a bit of time off work, only having to leave them alone for 1 day, so we were able to get lots of sightseeing in at places like the Sears Tower, Chicago Botanic Gardens, Grant Park/Buckingham Fountain/Crown Fountain/The Bean. We even drove up to Winnetka and saw where they filmed Home Alone, a childhood staple in our house. Their time here went by rather quickly and I cried a lot on the morning they left. It's really hard being 2,000 miles away from your loved ones sometimes. June was also when we were able to get all our vegetable seedlings in the ground and get our garden started :) June was also when I saw fireflies for the first time :) :)

July: July was hot. Like, dangerously high heat index hot. Not everyday, but more days than not it was sticky and uncomfortable and just downright gross. This made it very difficult to go running on a regular basis and I pretty much stopped working out all together. Other than that, I really can't remember a single good thing that happened in July. I'm sure it wasn't all terrible, just nothing memorable. I was sad that I wasn't able to celebrate two of my besties' birthdays with them. Next year, when I'm rich :)

August: And now here we are. Nearly the end of the month already. The girls have gone back to school and this week has been my first week of 3:00 starting times again, which I so missed. I had two job interviews last week, one for the Chicago Public Schools' sub pool and one for a paraprofessional position in a district near where I work. I was unofficially told by the interviewer at CPS (so weird to me that it's called CPS. What I refer to as CPS is known as DCFS here) that I'd been accepted into the pool, but I've yet to get the follow up email confirming that. He did say it'd be 1-2 weeks though, and right now it's been about 10 days since my interview so I'm seemingly still in good shape. I actually got offered a position with the other school district, but I turned it down as it was not the position I had originally applied for. It was a really hard decision to turn down a full time job in a district, because I know what kind of doors that could potentially open for me, but in the end I had to go with my gut and my gut told me to hold out for what I really want. 

A few other little miscellaneous updates:

• All our poison dart frogs have died. Starting in June we lost one every month, spaced about 4 weeks apart. We have no idea what caused their deaths and I feel horribly guilty that I couldn't help them.
• Our garden is growing quite well. We've had numerous zucchini, tons of cherry tomatoes and snow peas. We're almost ready to harvest some broccoli, more eggplant, bell peppers, to name a few. We just found two pumpkins growing on the 25 foot vines that have taken over our backyard while sneaking through a slat in the fence to creep into the neighbor's yard too. 
• Our house is looking better and better. There are still a lot of cosmetic changes that need to happen, but those can wait. Though lately we've been having some electrical issues, like the night where the hall light wouldn't turn on without the bathroom light being turned on as well. But the bathroom light being on caused the kitchen light to turn off. Seriously, what the crap, old house?
• My car pooped its pants on the way home from work one night, leaving me stranded in a grocery store parking lot for nearly 3 hours while I reactivated my Triple A and then waited not so patiently for a tow truck. Turned out my coolant reservoir tank cracked open, but thanks to the super friendly and fast auto repair shop that is literally a half mile from our house, it was up and running the next day :)
• I'm now able to run three miles straight and I'm getting super close to averaging 10 minute miles. It's hard not to compare myself to Boyfriend, who has been running for a few years now and has some of the longest legs I've ever seen. But I think I'm finally accepting that he and I are two different people and I shouldn't think negatively about my progress just because I don't perform at the same level he does. We're hopefully gonna run a corn maze 5k in October. I know I'll be able to complete that no problem.
• I've decided that I need to make myself as marketable as possible so for the 2011-2012 school year, I will be taking the necessary steps to clear my Illinois Provisional Credential to obtain the next level, Initial. I'm also going to hopefully start an endorsement program which will give me extra certification in a specific area (I'm thinking ESL would be the most beneficial). And I'm going to try to take as many Professional Development courses/seminars/workshops/conferences as I can get my hands on/afford. It's my goal to have my own classroom for the 2012-2013 school year and I will bust my butt trying to make that dream a reality :)

Thanks for sticking around to read this ridiculously long post. Sorry it wasn't full of humorous quips or fancy language, but I wanted to just get a blog posted to get myself back into the routine. More to come in the very near future :)